Unconditional Love

She said

Is unconditional love possible??

I had heard for years about unconditional love; mostly in terms of God and how He loved the world so much that He gave His son (you know the rest - that is not my point here). I never really believed that anyone could love anyone else that much. Part of my skepticism came from my own experience, and a mother who would constantly tell me "I love you, but..." I never heard a straight "I love you". English language taught me that most times, the point of saying "but" was to minimize the first part of the comment and to focus on the second. I did not believe that love could exist without conditions, and I made that belief a self fulfilling prophecy.

Then, at the age of 27, I gave birth to my sons. Upon holding them, and seeing the perfection that was created in my body, I finally understood the love that was meant to be unconditonal. I knew beyond any doubt that these precious children would have my love, no matter what, forever and always. I quietly apologized to God for doubting, and went on my merry way.

I now have preteens - a test of my resolve. I have heard the dreaded terms "I wish I was never born!" and "I hate you" more times than I care to admit - usually when I have to step in and be a parent and say "no" when they desperately wanted to hear yes. It hurts, I admit - but even the spewing forth of hatred from the mouths of the children I held to my breast and fed has not diminished my love for them.

I, no longer being romantic about how easy it would be to love them, still love them. The reason is simple - I decided to, long ago. I made a decision that I would love them no matter what, and I will. That does not mean I have to like them all the time, and it does not mean I have to approve of their behavior all the time - and trust me, I don't.

One day it hit me, this is probably why marriages used to actually last until death - as they said they would. People made the decision, and the commitment to do so. They didn't have better marriages than folks today, they had a better sense of the commitment and vow they took - they decided to love the person as they vowed to do.

We love our family, and our friends - even when they hurt us. We go through thick and thin with them, push them, prod them, and fight like fiends from time to time - yet we continue to love them through it all. Yet, when it is a lover, we feel that it is OK to walk away because we are bored, or we cannot stand how they leave the tiolet seat up. I think there is no secret to continuing to love someone - it isn't based on what has or hasn't changed since you met - it is based on our continuing commitment to love, period.

This doesn't address why we fall in love, or why someone can love us deeply and it isn't reciprocated, or even who we choose to love or not. But, I feel that once we do love someone - we are incontrol of how long we continue to love them.

So yes, unconditional love IS possible, if we decide it is.

He said

There is no such thing as "unconditional love". Just ask me! This pretext gives the other a license to act in whatever behavior they care to.

All love is conditional. One expects a certain return (behavior) on their love. If these expectations are not met, over a period of time, the love erodes. It becomes a sickness in the mind, leading to various forms of abuse.

Unconditional love is a self destruct mechanism of behavior. There is a balance in love, a fine line between one that is healthy and one that is destructive.

BTW: upon reading this, she said "bite me"